I recently came across a great blog,  http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/ even the author isn't posting much and her story is several years in the making, it allowed me to feel NORMAL. The role of stepmom is filled with so many misgivings due to my own experiences growing up and NOT wanting her to see me in the same light. Baby mama is 13 years YOUNGER than I am. She's hurled enough hurtful words to injure any veteran parent, and IM a  teacher too, so when I say hateful I mean takes the CAKE on hurtful words.
After the recent ER visit I realized that all of my angst and stress and trying to do the "right" thing wasn't really leaving me feeling whole. More like, leaving me feeling like my heart went through the meat grinder. The worst of it all is that I don't even know if it will be worth it. I mean, even though my marriage is relatively new I'm doubting it's stability. There I said it. and Might as well say this too. I'm really NOT happy. I deserve to be. I should be. But I didn't KNOW (just an itch in my head) that he is an alcoholic. Yep IM doomed to make the same mistakes until I learn the lesson. My ex was an alcoholic but he went out to bars, stayed up late while I slept and would drink alone. But this is the regular breed of alcoholism. The mean drunk, hateful words, name calling variety. And well frankly this shit isn't something I signed up for. When I've skirted the issue while discussing money etc. he thinks he doesn't spend much on beer b/c he buys the really cheap crappy kind. YOU know the kind that shows up in random places EVERYwhere in the house. like  a trail from Hansel and Gretel. So I've started writing down the amounts on the calendar. Sometimes the days run together and if I don't see him bring it in I think it's part of the original amount. For example, I think that drinking 20 beers while watching a football game is too much. But apparently, I'm the one who is wrong (according to him).
So there are several issues at play in the whole step parent hat wearing business.