I recently came across a great blog,  http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/ even the author isn't posting much and her story is several years in the making, it allowed me to feel NORMAL. The role of stepmom is filled with so many misgivings due to my own experiences growing up and NOT wanting her to see me in the same light. Baby mama is 13 years YOUNGER than I am. She's hurled enough hurtful words to injure any veteran parent, and IM a  teacher too, so when I say hateful I mean takes the CAKE on hurtful words.
After the recent ER visit I realized that all of my angst and stress and trying to do the "right" thing wasn't really leaving me feeling whole. More like, leaving me feeling like my heart went through the meat grinder. The worst of it all is that I don't even know if it will be worth it. I mean, even though my marriage is relatively new I'm doubting it's stability. There I said it. and Might as well say this too. I'm really NOT happy. I deserve to be. I should be. But I didn't KNOW (just an itch in my head) that he is an alcoholic. Yep IM doomed to make the same mistakes until I learn the lesson. My ex was an alcoholic but he went out to bars, stayed up late while I slept and would drink alone. But this is the regular breed of alcoholism. The mean drunk, hateful words, name calling variety. And well frankly this shit isn't something I signed up for. When I've skirted the issue while discussing money etc. he thinks he doesn't spend much on beer b/c he buys the really cheap crappy kind. YOU know the kind that shows up in random places EVERYwhere in the house. like  a trail from Hansel and Gretel. So I've started writing down the amounts on the calendar. Sometimes the days run together and if I don't see him bring it in I think it's part of the original amount. For example, I think that drinking 20 beers while watching a football game is too much. But apparently, I'm the one who is wrong (according to him).
So there are several issues at play in the whole step parent hat wearing business.

    The New Year is almost upon us! And that means a birthday celebration. This year is Bug's 12th birthday. We think she's having a skating party. Girl Drama! But usually her birthday means taking the tree down ahead of time so that Christmas is away and the focus is solely on her. But this year the holiday plans have been fraught with ...complications from both exes.
     DH and I got married at the end of the summer and even before that his ex has been--challenging! There is so much drama and escalation it drives me crazy. They take a small ember and pour gas on it. There is sooo much DISTRUST on both of their parts that when it comes to what's best for their child the vision gets clouded. What eats at me the most is the inability to stop and ask what is best for their child and then DO that. Because of the level of distrust the ex thinks I'm trying to be her mommy. She has a mommy and I'm NOT it. I KNOW that. I'm an extra adult in their child's life who is trying to help her grow into a great adult. She's 3-- so there is  a lot of growing yet to do. So on some level I understand where Miss Ex is coming from about the FB pictures but at the same time her father moved into my house and she spends every other weekend with us so pictures on FB is the show my friends the fun we have together. But that isn't going to happen anymore. I'm done with the silly BS from her and the accusations of things which aren't true. Overall it is her immaturity that thinks I am trying to replace her in her daughters life. As a mom, I would NEVER try to do that and even if I tried it would never happen. My goal is at some point for her to realize that she can't edit me out of her daughters life as long as I am married to her father. The serenity prayer reminds me that people need to learn the difference between the things they CAN change and things they can't.

Occasionally I need an outlet. Somewhere to go to vent, moan and groan and be ok with that action. I am creative but overwhelm myself with project half plans, starts and no finishes, good intentions and let downs. Part of the start of this blog was to express my creative side. Then I started teaching full time... and time flies. I lost my password, account info and then in a recent burst of crazed brain activity I remembered I shoved it into my day planner- the one I never use b/c I use my wall calendar at school. But some recent changes in my life have created a need to have a diary of sorts. I need somewhere just to say things that are either so on my mind that they are disabling me from working through other things or that the same thoughts are just simply not nice and I like to be thought of as nice. So this space is mine. I don't aim to be politically correct, polite, happy or any other thing. Some thoughts may come to me and send me off the map of thinking but if I don't get these thoughts out of my head... ITS GETTING JAMMED UP- BRAIN JAM!. After all it is called RANDOM HEATHER for  a reason!
As part of the New Year I have some tentative ideas in my head of some changes I NEED/wish to have in my life and I need somewhere to document those ideas in order to hold myself accountable. SO here it is. I'm going to try to consistently blog. Yep- Either about my job, my family, and my creative outlets/inlets.

CSI project- DESK!

Sooo I found CSI projects. I love that I know in advance what the projects are etc. It helps me think out of the box. Today is my sons birthday and in honor of him I'd like to show you the desk I made for him, well more like made over.I almost forgot to take a picture!

BEFORE: brown, boring, but in really goodshape!









AFTER! I used "Aluminum" spray paint for the legs and drawer fronts. Then I coated the entire desk in black spray paint. I have started spraying all the pieces I plan to use chalkboard paint on with the black as a background. Then I finished the top part of the desk with chalkboard paint. I sprayed it with two coats to ensure a nice dark but really user friendly top. I really like how the desk goes with his bed (right hand corner of photo has leg of IKEA loft bed shown) Because he is 11 (Happy Birthday today!) he likes both black and silver- so I was super excited that this curbside find would fit under his loft and I could paint it to go with the rest of the decor in his room. xo H

TIME FLIES

Holy cannoli! I have been uber busy. After my last post I had a birthday. 37 is gonnna be a great year. The day after I got offered a teaching job! FINALLY!! Also I scored some furniture to work on- and sold a piece or two.

This table has been around a while...if it could talk- the tales it would tell.

I have a confession. I have a chair problem. Yep- I love them, but seriosuly how many do I need to have?Sold these. And then... I coudln't decide about this hutch. I liked that the top had shelves but it took up a lot of room, and I had another piece I wanted to try... so I put it on craigslist. Yeah! I was able to meet a fellow blogger- Cassie http:// www.primitiveandproper.blogspot.com

Now I have to help my friend paint her new house.

Clearing the cobwebs

Our community had a yard sale this weekend. Hot at TAR out there. I did unload a bunch of fabric which is no longer my style or rather no longer Ms.C's style- as most of it was fabric I purchased to make custom clothing for her and to sell- seems like forever ago, and yet just yesterday!
Also, a table- now this was a table I've had- well half my life! It has seen some stuff- let me tell you. I love it, loved it. But sometimes even the things we love no longer suite us. That was this table. I think another person could love it better. For the last two years it has been used as a sewing table area, mostly because I couldn't part with it. But as my friend Ms.SC says "Everybody out!" and I listed it on Craigslist. Wasn't there a full day. It has a new home and I made a new business contact- Woo hoo!!
So mr. Farmstyle I bid you goodbye-

The Beginning

The best place to begin is at the beginning I suppose.
WELCOME! To my creative space. I have named my blog,Etsy store and email in order to keep track of the various outlets for my random life interests.
I have been following several blogs for several years and while I dont necessarily want to have this space be about my life... I know that my crafty side and my life living side are intertwined and intersect and what not. In order to protect the innocent out there I wont be naming my children or dog- or even my pesky ex husband. While they each figure prominately in my life I wont have this space be about them. It is about CREATING.
Don't you just ever want to create something? I do! I think I love creating things as much as I love learning about things.
So welcome, Enjoy, and Go in Peace.